Delaney Diamond
What is Love?
I could offer the dictionary definition of love, but I like this one by author Robert A. Heinlin more:
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.
Our backgrounds and experiences influence the way in which we view our relationships and express our love. In my debut release, The Arrangement, Alexa and Leonardo’s experiences and views on marriage create problems in their own marriage. When the story opens, they’ve already been separated for four months because Alexa left him.
Throughout the story, you’ll see just how much they care about each other, and the strong sexual chemistry that exists between them. Love and passion were not enough to sustain their marriage, though. It deteriorated into one filled with distrust, anger, and resentment because it’s missing an essential ingredient: effective communication.
To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. Anthony Robbins, self-help author and coach
As a romance author, I want to write stories that entertain, but within each story, there may be a message I want to get across. In The Arrangement, the importance of effective communication was the message.
Alexa finds that she spends night after night alone, neglected by her husband in favor of his business. She stopped complaining about her feelings because she watched her own parents’ defective marriage as a child—the fights, the long hours her father spent away from his wife and family—and she’s determined not to recreate the same unhappiness in hers.
Leonardo finds that his wife is unhappy, but he can’t understand why. It angers him when she has everything a woman could want—money, jewelry, and beautiful clothes. He provides for her, as he feels a man should.
Among men and women, those in love do not always announce themselves with declarations and vows. But they are the ones who weep when you’re gone. Who miss you every single night. Alice Hoffman, author
What would keep two people from declaring their love for each other? Secretly suffering, wishing, hoping, wanting a better relationship to magically appear so they could live happily ever after? It could be fear of hurt and rejection. It could be, as in Alexa’s case, fear of repeating the past. In Leonardo’s case, it’s because he thinks he’s doing his part—fulfilling his role of provider in the marriage.
If you’re lucky enough to be in a relationship with someone whose happiness is essential to your own and vice versa, material things are not the only way to show your love. Spend time with them. Communicate. And hopefully you won’t have to take the drastic measures my hero and heroine did.
At the end of this post, let me know what other ingredients you think are essential to a happy relationship.
Blurb: Brazilian millionaire, Leonardo da Silva, is still seething from when his African-American wife, Alexa, walked out on him four months ago. Now she’s in his office asking for a business loan to help her brother. Instead of a loan, he’s willing to give her the money, but only if she resumes her role as his wife for the next two months. She reluctantly agrees, and she soon finds herself wishing their arrangement was permanent. But when she finds out about Leonardo’s betrayal, there may be no way for them to mend their broken marriage.
Excerpt:
In the following excerpt, Alexa and Leonardo are at the anniversary party of their friends Russell and Joan.
Intuitively, she sensed Leonardo’s gaze on her, and she caught sight of him near the entrance to the balcony. He was watching her, though he should have been engrossed in the conversation with the two other people with whom he was standing, one of which was the redhead. Even from that distance across the room, she could sense his desire for her, and there was an answering pounding of the blood in her veins as their gazes locked.
Maybe it was the kiss between Russell and Joan and the romantic notion of long-lasting love, but Alexa found her thoughts straying to memories of sharing passionate kisses with Leonardo. She carefully placed her glass of wine on the table before it slipped from her damp fingers and crashed onto the expensive white carpet. She felt nervous and jittery because she knew the reason for Leonardo’s smoldering scrutiny. She was fully aware what was expected of her, and she found herself breathlessly anticipating the end of the evening.
Leonardo came toward her, his lithe, graceful walk a surprise for a man of his size. The tuxedo jacket hugged his broad shoulders and fit his muscular frame like a glove. As he neared her, Alexa realized she was holding her breath. The undercurrent of sexual tension flared between them.
“Are you nervous?” Leonardo asked.
“Why would I be nervous?” Her voice came out breathy, husky. She cleared her throat.
Leonardo smiled knowingly. He must feel the same charge, know that she longed to be kissed and touched, despite being coerced into resuming her role as his wife.
He didn’t answer her question. “You haven’t eaten a thing all night.”
It was true, but how could he possibly know that? She didn’t have an appetite for much except the tall, dark man standing before her.
“I’ve had my eye on you all evening,” he said in response to the unspoken question.
The thought that he’d been watching her even during the periods when they were separated generated tiny little shivers across Alexa’s skin. Her fingers tightened around the clutch in her left hand. “I’m not hungry.”
The knowing smile widened. “You should eat something,” he said. His dark gaze lingered in appreciation on the split in her dress. “You’re going to need your energy.”
Bio:
Delaney Diamond writes sweet and sensual romance novels. Read Chapter one of The Arrangement at her website. Look for her Valentine’s Day short story, Subordinate Position, from XOXO Publishing in February. Join her and the other romance lovers on Facebook.
@AngelaKayAustin
February 6th, 2011 at 6:50 pm
I think effective communication is most important. If you’re in a committed relationship you should have enough faith in it and yourself to be able to say what you need and what isn’t working for you. Not always easy but necessary.
February 7th, 2011 at 12:38 am
Sheila, I completely agree. Unfortunately, many people don’t feel capable of speaking what’s on their minds and hearts. Or, when they do…they aren’t being heard.
February 7th, 2011 at 12:07 pm
The biggest thing is to be able to communicate with your partner. You have to talk to each other and let them know your wants, needs, desires, problems, anything and everything that can be misunderstood or create a problem needs to be talked about. You also need to keep an open mind and a williness to try new things when dealing with your partner. Change can be good if it’s something you both like but you have to give it a chance first. The other person can’t read your mind just like you can’t read theirs so you have to be willing to communicate with each other to find out what’s going on. Be willing to compermise if needed find a solution don’t get mad and give each other the silent treatment this solves nothing it just creates more problems.
February 7th, 2011 at 12:16 pm
[...] week I’m hanging out over at Angela Kay Austin’s blog. There you can read the rest of my post about love and the importance of communication. Leave a [...]
February 7th, 2011 at 12:21 pm
Sheila, effective communication is SO important. Without it, there are often misunderstandings and hurt feelings which could be righted. It’s definitely not always either, but I believe it’s a must.
Angela, you’re right in that the other party has to be receptive to what is being expressed.
In my novella, I tried to convey how much these two really loved each other, but because of lack of communication, they almost lost each other. Real life couples experience the same problems.
February 7th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
I agree, communication is important also recognizing that we’re imperfect and make mistakes.
Great post Delaney
February 7th, 2011 at 12:48 pm
A very in depth blog, Delaney. I enjoyed reading about what makes love last. I wish I knew the secrets of the heart and what factors bring a couple closer together over time, but I am only good at love in fiction. I love the premise of The Arrangement and the cover is awesome. Wonderful blog, Delaney.
February 7th, 2011 at 1:46 pm
Sarah, there are probably a lot of us who are good at love in fiction
February 7th, 2011 at 1:48 pm
Sharita, I think what you said is really important…people should understand no one is perfect.
February 7th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
Delaney, you are right…real life couples go through this every day. Look at the divorce rate in America.
February 7th, 2011 at 1:55 pm
Belinda, compromise (I believe) is key to relationships. But, so many people I think feel that compromise is submission or giving up. So, they end up standing firm in their position without taking into account the other person’s feelings, wants, or needs.
February 7th, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Belinda, so true. But like Angela said, so often people think view compromise as submission–it’s not. It’s a good thing. Why stand firm when both people want the same thing–to love and enjoy each other?
February 7th, 2011 at 2:06 pm
Thanks, Sharita. You’re so right. We make mistakes, yet we act is if we don’t and try to hide them, which is part of the problem. A little humility can go a long way.
February 7th, 2011 at 2:09 pm
Sarah, if you could figure that out, you’d be a rich woman! Love in real life is difficult and takes work. Like you, I enjoy writing about love and romance. All the problems are wrapped up by the end of the book and I get a happy ending.
February 7th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
Delaney, happy endings make me feel so warm and cozy
Can you tell I’m a Hallmark channel junky?
February 9th, 2011 at 12:36 am
Communication is good…but hot sex and plenty of it is good too! I read once that men need to have sex to feel loved. Women need to feel loved to have sex. Getting a man to talk about his feelings is only part of the equation…then you need to attack him like it’s your first time together again. Help him make the connection between good communication and great sex! He’ll be the one asking if you have a minute to talk! ;-D
February 9th, 2011 at 1:47 am
Fiona, I think I’ve read the same books.