I guess that I’m not sure where to begin, so let me begin here…
My mother passed away a few weeks ago. She was sixty-two, and according to my mother she hadn’t been in the hospital since the day my younger brother was born…thirty-eight years. Mom was soft-spoken, gentle, and God only knows she had the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met in my life.
Her heart was too gentle for this world. She was too beautiful to be a part of the craziness that surrounds us today.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, she died on a regular Tuesday morning.
On my way to work, I received a call from my brother, that now has forever changed my life.
I web-searched the stages of grief, and according to them I’m currently experiencing all of them at one time…not sure how that works, but apparently, my heart and mind don’t know that’s not supposed to be what you do, or maybe it is.
My mother was not only my mom, but she was absolutely my best friend, and now I feel as if I am floating through space without an anchor. I have no idea how to face the next beautiful sun-filled day, and not want to go and hang out with mom at a nail salon or mall. How do I not want to catch a movie with her after church on a Sunday? How do I not want to call her as I leave work and let her know that I’m on my way to pick her up to head to the gym?
I am a motherless daughter, and I have no earthly idea how to take a breath without feeling the pain in my chest that makes it hard to breath.
I’ve always believed that sometimes it’s good to write about how you feel. As a writer, I’ve always turned to written words when I don’t know what else to do. And I do not know what else to do.
So, I will do the only thing that I know how to do…I will write what I feel on these pages, when I can will my fingers to move.
Thank you to all of my friends and family who have been so incredibly supportive during this period in my life. I love you all, and can’t imagine what this would have been like without you.
My mother loved gospel music more than anyone I know, and this one is dedicated to her. I will love you forever C.M.H., and I pray that you can read each and every word, and know that you will never be forgotten.