I say, it’s my birthday @AngelaKayAustin

What to do when it’s your birthday, and the woman who brought you into the world is no longer a part of it?

As much as I wanted to pull myself together and put on a good front for my family and friends, I couldn’t. I wanted to tell them that I was okay, that everything was alright. But, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t.

My mother’s sudden and unexpected death on March 24th, 2015 has left me confused, sad, angry, remorseful, and so much more.

I can only think of the things we never had the chance to do, and the things she was looking forward to in the coming months, including her retirement party. (She died three months after retiring.)

Every time I saw her or any time we spoke, she was so filled with energy and excitement about what was coming next, and to know that she and I will not have those experiences only brings me sadness, no matter how much I try to cling to how I believe her to be at peace, it hasn’t brought me peace.

I love her, I miss her and I had to listen to this song for her. She loved it because it made her think of her own mother, my grandmother.

6 thoughts on “I say, it’s my birthday @AngelaKayAustin

  1. Sending you hugs for your loss & best wishes for happiness on this birthday.

    I can understand your feelings; when I lost my dad less than a month before my 23rd birthday and again when I lost my mom almost 3 months before my 25th, I didn’t want to celebrate my birth without them around. But after a lot of introspection, I came to believe that celebrating was actually a way of saying thank you to each of them for my being. …but yes, it takes time to get over the initial sting.

    I wish you joy in your memories, peace in your heart, and blessings for your special day.

  2. Angela, I knew I’d been missing you for some reason. Thank you so much for this post. I love this song, and there are no words to hurry you through the grieving process. Other than the loss of a child, nothing can compare to the loss of your mother. My prayers are with you. I lost my father several years ago to Alzheimer’s, and eventually found joy in remembering his ways, our special moments together, and the many things that were and still are uniquely “Daddy.” I still cry sometimes, and that’s okay, too, but the gratitude I feel for having such a wonderful father outshines the moments of sadness. I pray that in time, you will come to that place. For now, embrace the process, Happy Belated Birthday, and drop me a line if you just feel like talking.

    • Thank you Dariel. My mother was so young and healthy, all things being equal. I simply do not what to do from day to day, and honestly, I am a little scared of the day that I will be able to make it through without a thought of her.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *