A month of days have not passed since my mother’s death, but people tell me that the void that now exists in my life will be easier to bear with time.
Although I believe that may be true, I’ve been wondering if that is actually a good thing.
Today, I spoke with my brother and I told him that one of the things I hate about the days since my mother’s passing, is that they simply exist. Nothing has changed. My TV shows are still airing. I still picked up fast food because I didn’t feel like cooking. I went to work. The sun rose and so did the damn moon.
Doesn’t the world know that my mom is no longer a part of it? And doesn’t everyone know that I don’t feel like moving with it?
I want to sleep until I wake from this awful horrible crazy reality.
How is it possible that all of this is real? Don’t most people get some sort of warning? Or, a second chance? Why didn’t I receive that second chance, or warning? Didn’t she deserve the chance to see who’s going to win The Voice (one of our favorite shows to watch together)? To see me marry? To watch me get my first major writing contract?
Didn’t I deserve to see her eyes light up when she took her first international trip? To see her laugh at my niece and nephews doing whatever silly thing they did? To watch her dance to whatever crazy line dance came out next?
Why can’t I call her and tell her about my day, or what I’m going to do tomorrow? Why?
I want to call her right now!